Heart like a lion, courage like fire.

Its been over a year since ive posted anything on here, and finally here I am. So many things have changed…But im trying to find out who I am and start a whole new journey..and its a crazy process. Only time will tell.

Today my sister finally 20yrs. Honestly, sometimes i forget that people grow up..Especially when you don’t see them in a long time. Because in my mind i keep thinking that shes still looks like how she did in an old 8th grade picture i have of her.I haven’t seen her in over 3yrs, so its inevitable to feel like that i guess.

I dont know what im gonna do..ill figure it out. Things have a funny way of working out..

But foreal though, i dont even know how to begin telling this story. Being high while trying to remember a crazy night with your friends is like walking in the dark i swear…Never again will sand be my friend. It got in my hair, my jacket and my pants hahaha, WTFFFFFFFFFFF!! seriously…the beach at night can be so cool yet so irritating, just because of some sand gets in ur pants. Man…all i remember is hella yacking on the train, not giving a fuck and yelling at people saying, “shut the fuck uppppp” :o …and im still awake!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was my first day of college..it wasnt really as shell shocking as i thought, it was actually pretty nice lol. Im taking Environmental Horticulture and Floristry as well as Floral and Foliage ID and care. Honestly i didnt see the need in taking math and other classes just yet, especially since i cant really pay for them. I just figured if im going to take any classes, i would take classes im actually interested in. So thats my game plan at the moment. I have no idea if ill actually make a career out of this but its possible, and thats all the motivation i need at the moment.

Im kinda sad though..He left and he’s going to be gone for a week on a trip. I miss him a lot..I know its not that big of a deal because its just a week(actually less since its been a few days), but idk. It sucks not being able to wake up next to him in the morning, or go to sleep with him at my side. A lot of people my age dont really sleep at they’re boyfriends house almost every night, but me and him are really close like that and i never want that to change. Of course everything isnt perfect all the time, but what is?? If you dont grow together, you can only grow apart. And its as simple as that..I love him, and i cant wait till he comes back.

Well summer is now comming to an end. Im irritated with myself that i didnt use tumblr a lot over the summer, but i didnt really have the time :/

Anyway, Im going to start city college soon so hopefully things will go ok.

My only regret is that im staying here, which isnt bad..but i hope that some day ill be able to go somewhere away from home, for either school or just for vacation. I love San Francisco, but im so tired of running into people i know(that arnt really friends; and having akward conversations). Its just getting old…

• I only got 3more weeks of my program, thank god.
• Ive been alone all week..mom went away AGAIN, without me..
• Woke up sick with a cold.

great….

Finally home from camping, which was hella crazy!! I was there for about 4 days up in Yosemite…which is so beautiful. Everything you see is so crisp and full of life, that it seems a little unworldly to say the least. The waterfalls there were really the best part! Trust me, this was an intense sight to see.

But anyway, so the reason i went on this trip was for my new job at the National Park Conservancy. Its a really cool job and i could possibly get set up for another internship in the future, which is cool. So basically, me and about 19 other people (both interns and staff) got to stay in the yosemite for free by volunteering to help out around the park by doing things such as restoration. And on our 2nd day of camp thats what we did. We had to walk about a mile to a huge piece of land with hella trees, and they basiclly had  us cut down these little pine trees and these fern like plants. They do this because if they dont, the forest gets too dense and could make stopping a fire uncontrolable. And this whole process of cutting all that shit was about 3 to 4 hours long in the sun, in like 90degree weather. You already know i dying cuz im white as hell, and i got allergies! But i made it through that day so i was happy.

The next day we went on a 9mile hike, which was the hardest thing i had to do. They drove us all the way to the top of the mountin and we had to hike all the way down. But there was about 3miles that were all up hill which was fuckin crazy..Anyway, the trails were so zig zagged. Full of rocks, and over flowing sometimes with water comming down from the mountin. Eventually when we were about halfway we reached yosemite falls. Its was awesome!! And when we finally got down the mountin from the hike, i was hella sore to the point where my legs were trembling :0 But i was proud that i didnt give up. Best believe that by the time the summer is over, ill probably lose like 5 pounds haha. you never know lol.

Im glad that this job is teaching me more things about our natural environment. It makes me want to try harder to educate myself to be more aware..

But im home now so i can hopefully pass on my new knowledge to some friends. And btw, i missed you guys so much. Its crazy. I never thought id be so home sick. It made me appreciate having you guys in my life(i got all your guys txts at the end of the trip, which made my day). Plus my boyfriend and my mom. Noahs txt kinda made me tear up cuz i missed him so much, and so did my moms. It was a sweet feeling to have my mom tuck me in to bed like a little kid and kiss me goodnight<3

Ill write more through out the summer about my experiences, so hopefully this summer will be great.

Daymm….already sick of summer and its barely starting. San Francisco is just too much of a small world right now, and there are some people i just really never want to see ever again. Its just the truth. Why would i want to keep running into people who have no real connection with me. Plus there are those people who are negative, self centered, “all about me bitches” that are always here. You know..ive been thinking a lot about those kind of people, and truth is they’re pathetic. Hypathetically speaking…if im so insignifigant to you, so on and so forth, then why do u care what i say? You seem like you have so much self confidence in yourself…yet you act hella but hurt lol. Im sorry, i dont mean to be rude here. I just think your behavior is just that of a crazy physco bitch :) So please grow up! and stop being so pretentious.

Just a note: Just because a girl is sexually active, doesnt make them a whore. So stop hating on other females. Thats there buisness!!. And just because you dont have anyone, and no one wants to fuck you, doesnt give you means to talk like u know people. Not everyone lives like you, so stop sharing your opinion cuz no one wants to hear it.

So here it is. Graduation is in two days…Honestly, i thought i wouldve ended up dropping out. But luckily i didnt believe all the haters. Even though i get annoyed of school, it has a good purpose. Yeahh it has its fucked up moments(being mostly politically inncorrect and what-not), but without school most of us would be a socially illiterate dumb fucks with no sence of direction. But I give BIG PROPS to my friends that may not be graduating on time, but are doing what they gotta do to make things right. Because everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Even my sister deserved a 2nd chance…

Speaking of her, shes really tugging at my heart strings at the moment. Shes 19 with a baby living with her bf up in Washington. Two years ago, I told her almost everyday to, “please dont get pregnant..You gonna put yourself in a bad situation”. But she never listened to me and look what happened. And now she calls me out of the blue crying saying she might not have a place to live in a month..How am i supposed to help her?? The thing is, its not on me. But on my mom. My mom would help her but my mom can barely pay her bills, yet alone take in 2 more people…I just hate hearing her cry. Who wants to hear someone you care about crying helplessly? :/ But its out of my hands. I just hope she really heard what i was saying, instead of blowing me off like usual.

To me, heres the solution:

• Talk to mom.
• Leave that lazy piece of shit baby daddy.
• Come home.
• Pick up the pieces of her life.